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"My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy! Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Mr Flaversham, it promises to be a night she will never forget. Her last night, and my first, as Supreme Ruler of all Mousedom!"
From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper
The head that made headlines in every newspaper
And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job
That cunning display that made Londoners sob
Now comes the real Tour de Force
Tricky and wicked, of course
My earlier crimes were fine for their times
But now that I'm at it again
An even grimmer plot has been simmering
In my great criminal brain
[Thugs:] Even meaner? You mean it?
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?
You're the best of the worst around
The rest fall behind
The world's greatest criminal mind
[Ratigan:] "Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street! "
[Ratigan:] "For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind."
[Ratigan:] "But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before me!"
You're tops and that's that
To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat
[Ratigan:] "What was that?"
"What did you call me?"
[Bartholomew is about to repeat what he said when he's interrupted by a thug.]
[Thug 1:] "Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Professor."
[Thug 2:] "I-it was just a slip of the tongue."
[Ratigan:] "I am NOT A RAT!"
[Thug 1:] "'Course you're not. You're a mouse!"
[Thug 3:] "Yeah, that's right. Right! A mouse."
[Thug 2:] "Yeah, a big mouse!"
[Ratigan throws Bartholomew out.]
"Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me."
[Ratigan pulls out a bell. The thugs gasps. He rings it. Felicia approaches the unknowing Bartholomew.]
You're the tops and that's that
To Ratigan, the world's greatest -
[Gulp. The Thugs have a moment of silence.]
[Ratigan:] "Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey bun enjoy her tasty __?"
"I trust there will be no further interruptions? And now, as you were singing?"
[The Thugs are hesitant... until Ratigan pulls out the bell. The Thugs gasp.]
We'll shout it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do
You're more evil than even you
You're one of a kind
The world's greatest criminal mind
- Originally, the song was longer and featured a verse about the Tower Bridge Job. In the verse, Ratigan described how he "picked off" his partners in crimes one-by-one. However, the verse was removed, more than likely because it was too violent for a children's film; the full version is featured on "The Great Mouse Detective" storybook tape. Vincent Price did not perform it though, another voice actor was called in to record it.
- One of the Thugs in the scene resembles Bill the Lizard from "Alice in Wonderland" and has been dubbed so by the fans.